Lessons from the ER
Warning- Some content may be inappropriate for children and adults.
It is actually possible for a 29 year old female to have 7 children (the oldest is 13) and have never married. When asked how you raise 7 kids alone you can proudly explain "My Mom & Dad help... and I have Jesus in my life!". Just a guess... but I'm thinking Jesus would have wanted you to get married 1st.
When you are frustrated that your 3 year old is getting restless after several hours of sitting in the waiting room, the proper protocol for correcting his behavior is to very loudly say " Sit your as_ down now you little sh__!". If for some reason that doesn't help him you can try "You are putting me out of my fu___ mind... Sit your as_ down now boy before I beat your smelly as_!". That should do the trick.
If you are a teenager and have multiple piercing and rings to stretch out your ear lobs... it is acceptable entertainment to punch both your fists through a wall at the same time (breaking multiple fingers). When the Doctor questions you as to why you felt compelled to punch a wall you should look very proud when you respond to him that it was "for fun".
If you are eating a piece of chicken so fast that you don't notice when you swallow a chicken bone so large it needs to be surgically removed... you should probably eat slower.
When sitting in an examining room with 7 other really sick people and the news announces that Proposition 8 was upheld by the California Supreme court... You may not want to yell out profanities and talk about how you were a "dike" for years but gave it up 14 years ago because the Bible says "Adam and Eve... not Adam and Steve". When you see the shocked look on everyone face and jaws dropped open, you will want to explain how you were molested from 3 to 14 and how you loved women because women never hurt you... then you can continue for a long long time about how lonely you have been for 14 years. This may be too much information for some people and should probably be kept to yourself. Then again... you can continue sharing and talk about how your veins are all shot from when you used to be a heroine user or the story about when your finger and big toe were cut off.
If you struggle with obesity, a sport bra and tight stretch shorts are completely acceptable attire to wear to the ER... and apparently shoes are optional. Don't worry, if your feet get cold they will give you a pair of socks... bonus!
Who would have thought I could learn so much about parenting, eating, fashion, alternative lifestyles, drugs, entertainment and language in one evening. Good times, good times.
8 comments:
I hope that YOU and whomever you accompanied to the ER are ok.
Yikes. And here I thought this kind of stuff only happened after 9pm at Wal Mart.
That is just plain old scarey.
That is hilariously SAD!
I was in a doctors office {waiting room} one time, and witnessed trash talking parents to their little boy. I actually started crying right there in the lobby. I can't handle that kind of stuff.
Are you okay though?
Why were you at the ER?
And it makes me shudder to think of that poor child being talked to that way. As Dr. Phil says, they are writting on the blackboard of that child's life. Ugh! I think I'd cry too!
I am going to live, but I can't really say I'm fine. My gallbladder (right side under my ribcage) is so painful it makes me nauseous. Eric and the ER Doc were sure I needed to have it taken out but the ultrasound showed a normal gallbladder... so basically I ' still in pain. They sent me home with pain meds, but I am trying not to take them because I know they can be addicting. My regular Doc is going to run some more tests to try and figure out what is going on.
UGH! It took 6 months for them to dx my gall bladder problems! I'm sorry, but gall bladders don't hurt for no reason! Were your liver enzymes high? I do think it's odd that you didn't have the "classic" back pain, though. Could a stone have been in your bile duct and not be seen on the ultrasound? Gallbladders are evil!
Shonda-
I have had the back pain but not radiating to my shoulder (which is common).
I am having a nuclear medicine scan of my gallbladder at 12 today to check the function. Hopefully that will shed some light on the problem. If not, I have a full abdominal ultrasound on Thursday... if i am still alive.
Chanel, we just went through the gallbladder thing with Ben. He was throwing up all night for a couple of days, with a few good days in between. After three nights of this he went to the ER in the middle of the night. They weren't sure either. Then he had an ultrasound, then he went to a gastro dr, who said it might be gallbladder, then he had a scope, and finally after 2 months of pain and losing more than 20 lbs from not eating fat since that made his pain worse, he had it removed. He is soooo much better now. I hope you get it figured out and taken care of asap!!
As for the people at the ER...SCARY!!
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